Sentimentals

I have come across old blogs ones from 7 years ago, before kids, before marriage, before mortgages and my writing is still the same. I can just imagine how I used to be when I was 26 still unsure of what I wanted to do or where I was headed. I know alot of people would say that we wish we knew what our present selves know now and life would so different, easier maybe? Of course because its like having a super power seeing into the future, why wouldn't you want that? 

Now at 33, is it too late to want more success, or want more in life? One way I want to ensure my future happiness is to make sure I prepare my kids for their future. Now, I'm not an expert with parenting, I've only been doing it for 3 1/2 years now, 7 months of that time to 2, but I guess with that time I can say I have built abit of experience in knowing how much I love being their mum. I can say that with confidence, for some reason deep within there's not alot that I can say with confidence. But to me right now I can be honest and it makes sense to me. 

I know there's alot of work to be done sorting out my emotions, I'm really looking forward to working through them in my first appt coming up next week. I'm in the medical field but haven't been exposed to much of the 'psyche' side of it all. Except for a couple weeks in the psych emergency dept, there's a name for it but my brain has turned to mush since and can't think of it. It will be interesting for sure, I'm mostly looking forward to clarity, a different perspective, understanding, removing the clouds in my head (maybe from the lack of sleep), motivation, freedom and joy at the end of it all. It will be an experience I have always wanted to do. You see it on tv and movies and question it with skepticism. One thing I know is I can't wait to have 'it' back...

Lastly, here's something I wrote 7 years ago, "There is no such thing as bad weather, just different types of good weather".... I totally agree with this statement. When you have a bad experience, do you dwell on the situation and cry or do you feel as though the experience had a purpose? For me I had an experience, and I still remember it and it was magnificent. It changed my life as though I had found the 'real me'. The happy me, the happiest I could be. But I think as humans we tend to struggle holding on to anything and forget everything you learn that's important. "

I want whatever 26 year old me had to be able to write like that. The quote in the beginning was a quote from a video I was watching in a spirituality lecture for 'sikhism'. It was a topic of pleasure and pain. Finding things like this make me have nostalgia to the point where I wish I wrote posts everyday. I won't make a promise but I will try my best to post everyday on here. I know my future self would appreciate it more than anything. Til next time. 

Hi, hello, how are you? My first blog entry ..

Married, 33, Sydney, Mum of 2, Boy 3 1/2 and girl 7 months 

Where do I begin? I have been thinking of starting a blog for a really long time now, I just didn’t know if I was serious enough about it. My headspace has been through a hell of a lot in the last year I guess .. becoming a mum of two has definitely contributed to a lot of my stress and anxiety.. it is also a big reason for my lack of confidence in getting simple daily life sorted.. Being overwhelmed at everything was a scary feeling to deal with .. Right now  i think I’m taking things day by day and I’ve acknowledged what I need to do in order to fix it, so yes I have made my first appointment to sort out my emotions, or manage, or to keep them in check really.. I think as mums in this fast paced, modern world that’s really important...Fingers crossed I’m brave enough to be honest..